How to Have Difficult Conversations

Bethany Day

Bloom and Buzz Contributor

When Monet said, “I must have flowers, always and always”, I’m convinced he meant peonies and honestly? Same. When I’m not lusting after their perfect petals or saving a bouquet from a too sunny windowsill, you’ll find me at home raising the next generation of flower lovers (think sticky hands and zero vase etiquette).

Did you know that a whopping six in ten of us find it difficult to talk about how we really feel? We’re great at showcasing our own personal highlight reels – bringing people in to see the high points of our lives – but what about the tough times that leave us feeling lonely, but unable to open up?

We recently carried out a survey to find out what’s holding us back, and it made us really sad to learn that:

42% of us hide our feelings behind a brave face
28% of us are scared to share in case we get emotional
One in three of us use humour or sarcasm to hide how we’re really feeling

But we also found than one in three want to be more open with family and friends. And that’s a stat we can get behind!

The Power of Being Vulnerable

Even though we worry about being vulnerable (27% of us, in fact), 39% of us would find it much easier to talk about our feelings if a loved one encouraged us to open up.

Talking about the difficult topics helps us to forge much deeper connections – something we believe is the key to our health and happiness! Especially in a world where we see people less and less IRL. So, we’re here to help you do just that.

Because 26% of us struggle to find the right words, we’ve enlisted Clinical Psychologist, Sunday Times Best Selling Author, and British Mental Health Expert for Headspace Dr. Soph to share her top tips for navigating tricky conversations.

Dr. Sophie Mort

Dr. Sophie Mort, aka Dr. Soph, is a Clinical Psychologist, Sunday Times Best Selling Author, and is the British Mental Health Expert for Headspace. Named the “Guru of Insta-Therapy” by the Telegraph, and the “Charismatic Therapy Queen” by the Daily Mail, Sophie aims to get psychology out of the therapy room and into people’s lives in ways that make sense to them.

Tips for having a difficult conversation

1.Plan an 8-Minute Phone Call Challenge

Research shows that frequent phone calls with loved ones can decrease depression anxiety, and feelings of loneliness. However, other studies on conversation fatigue show that the fear of long calls leads to some people to avoid phone calls all together, particularly avoidance among younger generations. Likewise, too many of us think we don’t have time for calls as they have to be long winded.

To manage this, try Dr. Waldinger, professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical Schools’s 8-minute phone call challenge—challenge yourself or a friend to catch up in just eight minutes! Plan multiple calls like this so you both know you have a hard out and can chat about anything in that time.

2. Host a Morning Coffee Talk or a post-midnight chat,

Plan frequent catch ups at times that suit your circadian rhythm the most. IF you are a morning person, you know what to do, if you can stay awake however… research also shows that we may be more relaxed and open in our post-midnight chats and also find those chats most profound, so dive into a late-night deep conversation when both your walls are down.

3. Plan a Low-Key “Movie & Talk” Night

Similar to the no phones walk, shared activities like watching a movie reduce social anxiety, making it easier to start conversations. A post-movie discussion can act as a springboard for talking about emotions indirectly. Host a casual movie night, then discuss what resonated emotionally to spark deeper conversation.

4. Play a Conversation Card Game

Playful activities reduce anxiety, and random prompts help break conversational barriers. The surprise factor of pulling out questions eases people into more open conversations.

5. Plan a Weekend Breakfast Potluck

Group meals foster openness, and breakfast is associated with a more relaxed, informal atmosphere. Eating together helps people bond more naturally, leading to deeper connections. Host a breakfast potluck (a meal where everyone brings a dish) with friends or family to create a relaxed space for meaningful conversations. You could even ask people to bring a dish that reminds them of someone important, and chat about that at the event.

6. Propose a ‘Silent Car Ride’ Rule

Shared silence creates space for introspection, which can lead to deeper conversation. And, a feeling that you are close enough to this person that you don’t always need to be talking. The silence often allows people to gather their thoughts before speaking. During your next car ride, suggest starting with 10 minutes of silence, then easing into conversation by asking what’s been on their mind.

7. Introduce a ‘Switching Seats’ Activity

Small environmental changes, like switching seats, can inspire fresh perspectives and reduce conversational inertia, making it easier to break into new topics. During a meal or gathering, switch seats with someone to spark new conversations and open up different perspectives.

8. Play ‘Two Truths and One Dream’

Sharing personal dreams creates an opportunity to express vulnerabilities and hopes in a lighthearted way. It provides a fun, non-intimidating platform for emotional expression. Play a twist on “Two Truths and a Lie” by replacing the lie with a personal dream, opening the door for deeper discussions.

We hope you can use Dr. Soph’s top tips to help you get the conversation started. If you’re still struggling, check out our tricky conversation starter cards. They might be just the thing you need to find the right words with your family and friends.